Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
