You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
