Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize