Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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