hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
