this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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