I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
