The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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