Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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