I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
