if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
