Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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