While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
