considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
