I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize