Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she peed on how many people?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
