How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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