Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
