I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just gift wrapped bread.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
