cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
