You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just googled if crying burns calories
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
