Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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