I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
