I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
PANTIES FOUND
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