You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
