His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How external is "for external use only"?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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