it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize