Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
