How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have fence marks all over my body
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
