you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
50% drunk capacity currently
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize