ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
