i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
