I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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