Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
