Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
