I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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