i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize