his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
