Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
