people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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