He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
a search helicopter?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
