if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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