Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
