A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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