we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
