Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
