She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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