If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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