I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
