I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
