Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
