at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
