To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize