I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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