You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
