im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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