Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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