thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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