the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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