sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
