One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
