office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm passing your future prison.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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