I hate all girls vehemently.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
