9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
