Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
did you just send me my own nude
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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