Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
