im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
