she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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