I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
