Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
