my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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