If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is the high leading the old right now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
