Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize