you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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