actually, I'm a sock model
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
