I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
