Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize