If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
