I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize