3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
