Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
