Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
