yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Damn victory sex feels great
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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