No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
