I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
