cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
