He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
