Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
