You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
