dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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