: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
