Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
