please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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