Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
