Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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