dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
