Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize