Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
