he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize
