we made out on top of his cat.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I did not marry a roomba.
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