so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
