just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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