Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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